The Ubaric Techo-Union (UTU) have confirmed this Friday that their new ‘Automatic Research System’ is in fact just a very astute octopus in a jar, which when given a selection of screens with hypothetical technologies, shrewdly points with its tentacles as to which one the space-nation should pick to develop next. The UTU report the octopus’ success with sports fixtures has been “more variable”, however.
Shroud Outage Sees Psionic Users Frantically Faxing Inane Thoughts To Each Other
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Dramatic Rise in Workplace-Related Injuries Following Opening of New Aquatic Deck on Interstellar Assembly
Officials for the Interstellar Assembly have confirmed the number of claims for work-place related injuries has risen dramatically following the inauguration of a new aquatic-deck aboard the space station. In response, officials have pledged to invest in nearly 30 new strategic ‘wet floor’ signs which can float in high-risk areas.
Area Admiral Unsure Where Fleet Parked In Coalition Force
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Queue For Area Planet's Singular Corporate Branch Office Enters 128th Day
Reports from Hyperion’s singular branch office of GalBank indicate that queues to reach the three customer service agents on shift has now reached its 128th day, with a number of fatalities recorded. The corporation has apologized, but states it is unable to open or expand branch office facilities due to stringent planet zoning laws.
Official Red-Faced After Spelling Error Leads To Purchase Of Erotic Gases
United Nations of Earth (UNE) customs official John Cruz was left red-faced early this morning after it was discovered he had not ordered ‘Exotic Gases’ as expected, but instead ‘Erotic Gases.’ Sources close to Cruz highlight is awaiting a “really awkward” conversation with his line manager within the next hour.
Area Hyperlane Blocked By Huge Container Ship
The Kessel Span hyperlane, a major shipping route across the Mid-Rim, has become blocked by a giant container ship, which has somehow become lodged within the hyperlane. Work is now underway to try and free the ‘Evergreen’, which is now causing shipping chaos across the cluster.
Scientist Breaks Galactic Speed Record During Ship Transfer
Unbidden-Led Council Dismiss Claims Regarding Unbidden Threat To Galaxy
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Insomniac Ring World Residents Subject To Perpetual Sunlight Encouraged To Try Sleep Hygeine Techniques
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Area Official Steps Out Of Shower And Realizes All Too Late He Forgot To Turn Off Shared Sensors
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Parabox Interactive Unveils New Universe Universalis Expansion
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Area Molluscoid Fed Up Of Getting By On Looks Alone
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Blorgata Unveils New XYZ-Cube Ship Design
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