The Whispering Monolith’s lackluster performance in the United Nations of Earth (UNE’s) first presidential election debate has sparked concern about the 15,000 year-old mysterious column’s fitness for office.
Floating motionlessly behind its podium, the dark and foreboding block repeatedly failed to answer any questions put to it by moderators, or its opponent from the authoritarian faction, former president Jeffrey Rossario.
The debate, hosted by local broadcaster UNENN, was a high-stakes opportunity for the ancient artifact to allay widespread concern about its fitness to lead humanity.
Image (UNENN): Concerns were raised about how vacant the monolith appeared.
“The optics weren’t great from the moment the Monolith was wheeled into the debate hall by a team of archeologists,” UNE political correspondent Max Reiss told Xenonion. “But it was reassuring to see it get a bit stronger over time, particularly when it started pulsating with purple shimmers on the topic of tax reform.”
When asked about taxation policies for the ultra-rich, the Monolith began whispering in an indeterminate and somewhat menacing language. Rossario, avoiding the frenetic disruptions displayed during previous presidential debates, stated: “I really don’t know what it said, and I don’t think it does either. Also, why is my nose bleeding?”
With Rossario’s growing lead across polling, supporters were quick to defend the Monolith’s performance, stating it had proven to the electorate it had the stamina to float silently for the full duration of the 90-minute debate.
However, there remain calls from across the political spectrum for the Monolith to step down to allow someone or something younger to take the helm, with the 3,000 year old scientist Astrocreator Azaryn rumored to be a top contender.
