Galactic Stock Market Plummets, Literally
The Galactic Stock Market plunged on Monday, both in economic indices and orbital trajectory, after the space-station housing the financial institution clipped an asteroid.
The composite Space Exchange Index (SExI) plummeted 38% and nearly 160,000ft as the trading floor fell out of orbit, the steepest fall ever recorded.
It remains unclear how the galaxy’s most important financial hub was allowed to drift so close to an asteroid field, although some have suggested the disaster was a consequence of the Galactic Community awarding hosting rights to the Saiiban Hive Mind, an economic backwater with limited system development.
Hundreds of hedge fund investors reportedly tried to short shares in the station itself mid-descent, only to be crushed by falling risk analysis mainframes.
“It’s unprecedented,” panicked stockbroker Irgon Mok told Xenonion from his escape pod slowly drifting into the void. “Investors were bracing for a hit to quarterly earnings, not the hull.”
Market futures signaled further losses in solvency and altitude are expected when trading resumes in the remaining pressurized sections of the station.
Galactic regulators state they have announced emergency measures, including lowering the ceiling and floor limit on stock purchases, and ensuring those same ceilings and floors are alloy-reinforced in any future space station construction.
