Barista Bemused As Area Leader Tries To Pay For Coffee With Unity
United Nations of Earth (UNE) barista Tony Valdez was left bemused this Saturday afternoon after his local Governor Sarah Harding attempted to pay for her espresso with a new currency called ‘Unity.’ Pulling nothing from her bag, she offered this to Valdez, who awkwardly mumbled something about not accepting literal air as currency.
Transit Authority Rejects Hyper Relay Network For More Cost-Efficient Ride-Share Hyperlane
The Transit Authority for the Urseni Empire has rejected a proposal to upgrade its hyperlane system with a ‘hyper-relay network’, instead opting for a more “cost-efficient” ride-share sublane to open within hyperlanes, repurposed from old shoulder lanes.
Automatic Research System Just Astute Octopus In Jar
The Ubaric Techo-Union (UTU) have confirmed this Friday that their new ‘Automatic Research System’ is in fact just a very astute octopus in a jar, which when given a selection of screens with hypothetical technologies, shrewdly points with its tentacles as to which one the space-nation should pick to develop next. The UTU report the octopus’ success with sports fixtures has been “more variable”, however.
Dramatic Rise in Workplace-Related Injuries Following Opening of New Aquatic Deck on Interstellar Assembly
Officials for the Interstellar Assembly have confirmed the number of claims for work-place related injuries has risen dramatically following the inauguration of a new aquatic-deck aboard the space station. In response, officials have pledged to invest in nearly 30 new strategic ‘wet floor’ signs which can float in high-risk areas.
Queue For Area Planet's Singular Corporate Branch Office Enters 128th Day
Reports from Hyperion’s singular branch office of GalBank indicate that queues to reach the three customer service agents on shift has now reached its 128th day, with a number of fatalities recorded. The corporation has apologized, but states it is unable to open or expand branch office facilities due to stringent planet zoning laws.
Area Hyperlane Blocked By Huge Container Ship
The Kessel Span hyperlane, a major shipping route across the Mid-Rim, has become blocked by a giant container ship, which has somehow become lodged within the hyperlane. Work is now underway to try and free the ‘Evergreen’, which is now causing shipping chaos across the cluster.
