Communications are in disarray today on what remains of Rutheria after the necroid band Megacorpse obliterated the planet’s moon during an orbital performance, killing billions.
The popular psi-metal band were playing for a much anticipated charity event aboard their re-purposed performance Colossus to raise awareness for feline sleep apnea.
It was during this event that Kel-Azaan, lead vocalist and chief deathbringer, reportedly punched a hole into the surface of the moon during a 55-minute guitar solo for the song ‘Extinction Level Event.’
The ensuing debris shower caused catastrophic damage to the planet below, with several major urban centers suffering direct hits from chunks of the moon.
“It’s a total tragedy,” Kel-Azaan said after initial reports of planetary destruction began to filter through, “but at least we’ve been able to raise awareness about felon sleep apnea. We think it’s really important that prisoners get - wait, what? Feline? Like cats? Damn. Our bad, that’s… wow. Haha.”
Image: Kel-Azaan has long championed raising awareness about feline sleep apnea.
Despite reports that Rutheria has descended into complete anarchy, with those surviving the initial maelstrom now resorting to barbarism to survive, music critics have lauded the performance as “unforgettable” and “literally heart-stopping.”
Rutheria’s former Chancellor Gitik Cavit spoke to Xenonion from her barely intact fallout shelter: “Early analysis suggests our planet will never recover. We’re looking at evacuating what survivors we can off-world. And I guess next year we’ll book Fall Out Blorg.”
Megacorpse has pledged to go on an awareness tour to bring attention to risks of hiring Megacorpse, with tickets now on sale for a performance over Earth later this year.
