Awakened Empire Has Just About Had It With Galaxy's Lazy, Disrespectful Attitude

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Clearly irate at being left as the sole active defender against the Unbidden invasion, the Zelvan Arbitrators warned the galaxy this Thursday that they have “just about had it with the lazy, disrespectful attitude,” adding “it ends now, or else.”

Addressing the Galactic Council earlier today, Zelvan representative Mondrig appeared clearly exasperated, lamenting: “Just who exactly do you think we are? Your personal crisis cleaner? Do we exist to just run around after you mopping up your interstellar mess? Show some respect to your elders!”

Sources close to the Zelvan report the tirade was triggered after not one single space-nation offered to join to help the war effort, despite the ascendancy awaking specifically to tackle the extra-dimensional invaders.

Mondrig continued, with increased tension in her voice: “We’re out here being worked to the bone, and what are you doing? Oh, of course, busy lazing around playing Universe Universalis. Well maybe, just maybe, we’d like to be lazing around too. But then who would do all the galactic chores? The peacekeeping fairy?”

Mondrig’s speech was abruptly cut short after she caught one of the delegates smirking, to which she sniped: “Wipe that look off your face RIGHT NOW. Do you think — look at me when I’m talking to you — do you think this is funny?”

Shortly afterwards, the Galactic Council sheepishly issued a written statement in which it said it was sorry the Zelvan “felt that way” but found the accusations “totally unfair, and like, blown way out of proportion.”

Image: Hilda Ernst is one of the human representatives on the Galactic Council.

Image: Hilda Ernst is one of the human representatives on the Galactic Council.

Galactic Council Member Hilda Ernst told Xenonion: “Seriously, the Zelvan just need to, like, chill. The Great Khan allowed us to do whatever we wanted, whenever we wanted, with none of this nagging or drama.”

The response only further enraged Zelvan’s Diplomatic Corps, with officials immediately mandating that all foreign fleets within their territory return to their home system “right this minute,” and “take a real hard think about what they’ve done.”

The Galactic Council has lodged a formal petition of complaint regarding the border closure, protesting that it had arranged plans to explore the L-Cluster with allies this weekend. When asked for a further explanation, the Zelvan curtly replied: “The borders are closing because we say so.”

Ernst told Xenonion the developments were “so annoying,” adding: “Absolutely EVERYONE is going to the L-Cluster this weekend! Our lives are RUINED forever!”

At the time of press, Zelvan representatives told Xenonion they were not angry at the Galactic Council, “just disappointed.”

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