Travel

In Retrospect, Migrating To a Slaving Empire Maybe Wasn't a Great Idea

The other night while we were slurping down our gruel reinforced with sawdust, my friend Glorbsig asked if I ever regretted my decision to migrate to a slaving empire.

I almost spat out what remained of my teeth. In the thirty years I’d been here, no-one had ever asked me that before.

I guess I’d just been so busy toiling in the salt mine, trying to get through another day without contracting aerosolized scurvy, or being assigned work duty in the irradiated zone, that I hadn’t had time to think about regrets.

But the question made me think, something that our Tzynn overlords discourage in the re-education camps. But I couldn’t help myself.

I pondered on it, thinking hard while inspecting the scars where my fingernails used to be. I guess maybe I did regret it?

The meal had to be cut short after Glorbsig was selected for nerve stapling. Apparently his appointment got moved up. Mine is still at least six months away for now.

Thankfully, his screams for help distracted the guards and allowed me to slip away unnoticed back to my cell for some quiet reflection.

I began etching my thoughts on to my cell wall, with a sharpened piece of rock I’d managed to nab from the six minutes of yard time I get every day.

I regret moving to a slaving empire.

I can’t believe I’d written it down. I don’t think I’d ever thought that until now. So why did I regret it? Well let me tell you…

Regret No. 1

I miss being able to choose my employment.

When I migrated to the Tzynn Empire, I was under the impression I could apply for any job I was qualified for. Sure, I knew they were slavers, but I didn’t think it would be that different from how it worked at home.

I used to work as a clerk on Earth. It was boring, but for the most part the odds of being beaten to death by a guard for simply looking at him were pretty low.

I’ll never forget those first moments stepping off the transport ship after it landed on Tzynnia. It was overwhelming, the sights and sounds of the Slave Processing Facility. The aliens crying, the guards getting agitated, being separated from my family. I had no clue I’d get pushed into a holding pen and then have work immediately allocated to me.

Don’t get me wrong. I’ve been in the salt mine for almost a decade now, and it isn’t the worst. I won’t go into my time on burial duty or clean-up at the Xeno Food Processing Plant. Although, I must admit, Soylent Xeno is a guilty pleasure of mine. It just tastes so different from the sawdust gruel…

Anyway, my lesson to you: Starting a new job on a new world isn’t easy, particularly if it’s run by slavers. Do your research, and choose a space-nation where indentured servitude isn’t mandatory, or at a minimum where your species is exempt from it.

Regret No. 2

I regret not having a better plan for the future.

I remember before we left home, I told Mark, my wonderful husband, and little Timmy and Sarah, my beautiful children, that we’d figure things out once we arrived.

I wonder what they think about that now. Of course, I never imagined Mark would be assigned to clean up the irradiated zone, or that Timmy and Sarah were filtered into the ‘economic burden’ group, whatever that meant. Wherever they are, I hope I get to see them before my nerve stapling.

I guess one thing that being nerve stapled might fix is my spontaneity. I’m a bit of a butterfly. I like to flit from one thing to the next. But should I have stopped to think about the consequences of migrating to an empire which has been universally condemned by the Galactic Community for xeno rights abuses?

My dream was to never to be tethered to one planet. I wanted our family to move around, see the galaxy. And now here I am, finding that I am quite literally tethered to the gattling gun that’s trained outside my cell block.

Lesson learned: Plan ahead. For anyone considering migrating into enslavement, think about the potential pitfalls you might find yourself in. It’s hard to think on the go when you’ll be flayed for not meeting production quotas.

Regret No. 3

I regret moving to a place that makes it impossible to go home.

I’ve had some great experiences here on Tzynnia. I’ve learned how to handle salt unprotected, and even with open sores on my hands. And I’ve made some great friends, most of whom are still alive and can follow basic conversation after nerve stapling.

If I had moved to another place, perhaps a more egalitarian society like the Scyldari Confederacy, would I have had the same life experiences and happy memories? Who knows.

But it doesn’t take away from the fact I miss home, which is so darned awkward to get back to. If I wanted to get off-world, I’d not only have to escape my high-security detention facility, but also remove the tracking chip that’s been implanted in my brain, all while making contact with a UNE Embassy, despite them severing diplomatic ties with the Tzynn years ago.

Lesson learned: If being able to jet home hassle free and on a voluntary basis is important to you, choose your adopted space-nation wisely!

The Wrap Up

Well, I’m slowly running out of stone to etch with, and I really don’t want to have to write in blood again like for my last blog, so I better wrap this up.

Hindsight is 20/20, and I suppose I want to try and help anyone who is considering migrating from their home world to somewhere new. Slaving empires have their pitfalls and problems just like anywhere else. Think before you depart!

If I can make someone stop to consider the consequences of migrating to a space-nation that clearly enslaves all foreigners on arrival, well, I can rest easy knowing I’ve done my bit.

With love,

Prisoner TZ-HF-9854-0185-B.

A transcription of this blog post was received by the UNE’s Central Embassy in February 2255, and passed on to Xenonion at the request of Prisoner TZ-HF-9854-0185-B prior to her nerve stapling. Xenonion has tried to get in contact with her since, but unfortunately the Tzynn have repeatedly declined our request.

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AdVisistSaiiban

Top 5 Tips for Visiting the Saiiban Hive Mind

Many xenos dream of visiting the Saiiban Hive Mind but are off-put when they hear about the reputation of 'rude' expressionless drones or huge crowds of organic pops being processed for assimilation.

While some of this may be based in truth, it shouldn't stop you from experiencing one of the most culturally unique locations in the galaxy!

Image: A recent promotional poster for the 'Visit Saiiban' tourism campaign. A friendly Saiiban drone is pictured with the beautiful Saiiban Prime cityscape in the background.

Image: A recent promotional poster for the 'Visit Saiiban' tourism campaign. A friendly Saiiban drone is pictured with the beautiful Saiiban Prime cityscape in the background.

Whether you prefer a short city-break to Urban Cluster A1 on Saiiban Prime, or a quiet nature retreat lounging by the irradiated shores of Nest 11, Saiiban has something for every xeno.

Here are our top five tips for getting the most out of your trip to the Saiiban Hive Mind:

1. Do your research in advance 

Make a list of all the places you want to visit, and prioritise accordingly as you'll probably not have time to see them all.

If you're heading to Saiiban Prime, the Visitor Center should definitely be your first destination. Info booths provide a great overview on what's happening in and around the Hive Mind, and staff drones will issue you travel permits to help you get around (more on that below). Beware though, it's famed for it's +5% migration attraction, so it's likely to be super busy. 

While we've tried to avoid simply listing places to visit, if you're going to see one thing and one thing only you have to visit the DNA Splicing Bio-Assimilation Centre, conveniently located right beside the Saiiban Prime Visitor Centre. This mammoth structure is so large it can be seen from space. What exactly happens here is a closely guarded secret, but it must be doing something right as it's the highest rated galactic tourist attraction on TripInformant since last year. Be sure to get your tickets in advance, as queues can stretch for several miles.

2. Hassle free transit

A travel pass is an absolute must if you want to get around easily. In fact, in some places you're restricted on where you can go without one.

Thankfully they're free and really easy to come by - just drop in at any Saiiban Visitor Centre.

They will hook you up to the Natural Neural Network where the travel pass will be delivered into your central nervous system through a penetrating tendril.

Don't worry - it's fast and pain free, and as an added bonus you get permanent access to the entire Hive Mind. It's like having an entire social network in your head, except everyone speaks in unison. Awesome!

Fun fact: The travel pass grants free admission to the DNA Splicing Bio-Assimilation Centre. Continuous and intrusive auditory hallucinations from the Natural Neural Network remind tourists of this on a regular basis - how neat is that?

3. Try an authentic ascetic experience

If you want to really see how the locals live, you need to try ascetism, the local custom by which Saiiban drones live by.

It's a lifestyle characterised by complete abstinence from sensual pleasure and common social interactions, with complete rejection of material possessions and an unquestioning embrace of the Hive.

You're probably thinking - why would I do that? Well, Saiiban research has shown that 100% of drones who adopt ascetism are "completely satisfied" with their lives. Maybe we should be having more of what they're having?!

4. Don't talk politics to the drones

This one is well known but worth re-iterating. Saiiban drones are not political, at all. They don't form factions, and most of the time they don't talk unless the Hive Mind wills it - and then they all talk. It's a whole Hive Mind thing, you'll get the hang of it.

Anyway - avoid any social awkwardness by simply not voicing your opinion on any topics at all. A number of topics are especially taboo, including democracy, individualism or the Galactic UN's 1st Amendment on Universal Free Speech.

5. Don't waste money on a return ticket home!

"But I have a job, hatchlings, a nice Corvette!" you protest.

Don't say we didn't try to warn you, the statistics say it all: 99.8% of tourists who visit Saiiban love it so much they stay - forever! (The other 0.2% can't be accounted for, but they're clearly in the minority)

So save yourself the hassle and just book a one-way ticket.

In fact, if you head on over to your nearest spaceport right now you'll find that the Saiiban Tourism Board is running an amazing deal on what are effectively free flights direct to Saiiban Prime for xenos and their immediate friends and family- it almost sounds too good to be true!

So that rounds up our Top 5 tips for travelling to Saiiban. I hope you found this article useful, and I take it we'll be seeing you there soon!

This article was paid for by the Saiiban Hive Mind Tourism Board.


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