Plantoid Star Lands Major Role In Upcoming Salad

After landing supporting spots in both Bruschetta and a BLT sandwich, plantoid star Vine of Red has been tapped for the lead role in an upcoming salad dish.

Them Weekly reports the tomatoid will play an organic baby tomato, bursting with juicy sweet flavor.

Details on the production are scarce, but insider reports suggest the plate is based on a long-standing recipe from a well-known cookbook.

The three-week old will join a star-studded plantoid ensemble cast, including household names like Lettuce B and Big Dill.

Vine was clearly unable to contain his excitement at landing the role, tweeting earlier today “feeling blessed!”

Image: Vine tweets his excitement while undertaking his daily photosynthesizing exercises.

Earlier this year Vine spoke to Stars In The Stars about some of the difficulties he has faced in the industry as a tomatoid:

“It’s been hard, I won’t lie. Am I fruit, or a vegetable? However, after many days I realised that I don’t need to conform to a label. All I know is that ketchup isn’t a smoothie, and that’s enough for me.”

The salad is expected to launch across dinner tables later this week, with pre-release snacking available in select fridges.

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Area Star Faces Life Imprisonment in Dyson Sphere

A local Class-B star faces life imprisonment in a Dyson Sphere after being accused of firing solar flares at an orbiting United Nations of Earth (UNE) planet.

Bitrius, a 10 million year old super-giant energy mass, reportedly fired several solar flare rounds at the continental world of San Lucas in the early hours of December 5.

The San Lucas District Court heard that the pair had resided together in the same system for “eons” and generally “kept themselves to themselves” until the incident last week.

Jurors were told that San Lucas had been completely “blindsided” by the unprovoked attack during its routine orbit around Bitrius, which crippled communications and left colonists without access to social media for upwards of three days.

Bitrius attended court for preliminary matters today but refused to answer any questions, instead opting to pulsate silently at roughly 24,599 degrees Celsius.

UNE prosecutors state they are confident they have a robust case against the star, with or without its testimony.

“When we inspected Bitrius, we were shocked to find it was entirely comprised of energy,” detective Saga Noren-Lund told Xenonion, “the very same energy which was contained in the discharged solar flares. We’re not going to rest until all the dots are joined up.”

Enforcers have also retroactively charged Bitrius with resisting arrest, after the star refused to be moved into custody and incinerated over thirty thousand officers who tried to restrain it.

If found guilty, Bitrius faces a life sentence in a maximum secure Dyson Sphere, alongside legal fees estimated at approximately 1 trillion energy credits to fund construction of said Sphere.

The trial continues.

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Brain Slug Spotted Wearing Stunning New Species

The Brain Slug has caused a stir after she was pictured at a gala event last night sporting a stunning new dress.

The eons-old neural symbiont and social media influencer wore a beautiful custom-made female humanoid ensemble for the function.

The breathtaking dress was made entirely from organic humanoid, featuring eye-catching symmetrical limbs and a form-fitting epidermis.

The Brain Slug reportedly designed the dress herself, specifically tailoring it for enhanced docility.

Fans were quick to comment on the gown, after the Brain Slug uploaded a number of snaps to Instagram.

One said: “Wow! Gorgeous! Love a girly dress.” Another gushed: “So beautiful. I wish I could get my forehead veins engorged just like that.”

With its pleasing aesthetic, beautiful flesh tones, and intermittent screams for help, the gown is likely to become this season’s most coveted fashion item.

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Population Pie Chart Running Dangerously Low on Colours

Statisticians from the Scyldari Confederacy have warned that the single pie chart they have been using for decades to track the space-nation’s population is becoming “unusable” owing to a critical shortage of colours to fill it with.

The xenophilic empire has seen a marked population boom over the last three years, owing to both its pro-immigration policy and the adoption of XenoCompatibility late last year.

At present the Confederacy’s total population now stands at 13.3 trillion, with twenty-four non-founder species and nearly double the number of half-species.

The Scyldari Office for Statistics has long been warning about the effects of using one pie chart to represent so much data.

“This situation is spiraling out of control, albeit in a 2D plane,” spokes-xeno Lorg’Vorg told Xenonion earlier today. “What was once a simple, clean and uniform method of data visualization has now become incomprehensible, with new coloured pie chart slices being added every three minutes.”

He went on to warn that experts had predicted the space-nation was approaching a point where it could simply run out of new colours to add to the pie chart.

Lorg’Vorg warned the effects of a colour shortage could be “catastrophic”, with the possibility of new data on the pie chart being represented as an aesthetically unpleasing solid black fill.

The pie chart remains one of mathematics most advanced tools, and is used universally across the galaxy by all species. Scyldari officials were quick to praise the tool’s utility, instead blaming the Galactic Community for only sanctioning the use of 25 colours that meet its stringent eye safety standards.

At the time of writing, Scyldari statisticians have announced that they are attempting to devise new methods of data visualization that, if possible, may involve lines, bars or a combination of the two.

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