Crisis Aspirant Stays Up All Night Procrastinating Instead Of Ending Galaxy

Bleary-eyed representatives from the Pasharti Absorbers have confirmed that the crisis aspirant worked into the early hours of Sunday morning doing anything but ending the galaxy.

Parsharti officials stated the evening had begun with clear intent to sit down and write an outline on how they were going to become an existential threat to the galaxy, but got derailed after a brief check of social media led to an hour of looking up funny pictures of molluscoids on Reddit.

Sources on Taralon reported that by late evening a quiet spot for work had been found, but by 8pm representatives had shifted attention from menacing battleship design to the surprising volume of dust on the floor.

After extensive dusting, followed by some light hoovering and a quick bleaching of nearby toilets, Parsharti officials agreed to break to procure snacks from a local supermarket.

“We just can’t concentrate on aetherophasic engine schematics on an empty stomach,” Pasharti representative Zorg told Xenonion. “And who wants to eat without watching something funny on the holonet?”

Half a pizza and three episodes of Blorg’s Next Top Fungoid later, Pasharti officials confirmed they had written down the title of their outline ‘Death to the Galaxy’ and underlined it, before deciding a shower was required after all the recent cleaning that had just been done.

“I can feel the dust all over myself,” Zorg continued. “Besides, I’ll work much more efficiently once I’m all showered. And I guess I might as well clip my toenails while I’m at it.”

At the time of press Pasharti officials were reportedly found face down at a desk, surrounded by incomplete plans for galactic destruction, and several piles of old unrelated utility bills they had decided to organize at the last minute.