Area Planet Contracts Humans

The planet of Terra Nova has tested positive for humans, health officials have confirmed this Thursday.

The planet, which received the result following an updated census, is currently being monitored.

The Galactic Health Organization (GHO) has said that preliminary analysis points towards the planet contracting humans from a colony ship.

“Terra Nova has likely had a latent human infestation for some time,” epidemiologist Zorg told Xenonion. “The initial stages of colonization tend to be asymptomatic - human load is typically only detectable around the time Taco Bell branches start opening.”

Humans are usually transmitted through spaceborne shipping vectors, and are particularly adept at bypassing planetary defense mechanisms like poor habitability. Once established, characteristic pathological features of intensive agriculture, urbanization and industrialization usually follow.

Area officials state Terra Nova is suffering from a low-grade climactic fever associated with human carbon emissions, but was otherwise “clinically stable.”

“We are keeping the planet under observation as a precaution,” Zorg continued. “Although its current illness is mild, the disease process is usually progressive and irreversible - humans are skilled at causing multi-ecosystem collapse in their hosts.”

A total of 360 planets have now been diagnosed with humans across the cluster, prompting mandatory testing in neighboring regions.

The GHO states it is helping to coordinate a pan-galactic response, including distributing 15 billion doses of Javorian Pox to affected planets.